


Best Friend

by trueheirofslytherin



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Gender-Neutral Hange Zoë, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-21
Updated: 2015-11-21
Packaged: 2018-05-02 17:02:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5256473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trueheirofslytherin/pseuds/trueheirofslytherin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When it came down to it, Levi could honestly name only one person that he could never accuse of hurting him in any way.</p>
<p>That person went by the name of Hanji. And Levi loved that person with all of his heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Best Friend

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry everybody but it's another sad one.
> 
> I promise I'm not this miserable all of the time haha.
> 
> Firstly, my mini-chapter-things are so short that I didn't bother putting them as separate chapters. They're just marked with squiggly things. Secondly, I'm using 'xe, xir' as gender-neutral terms for Hanji.
> 
> All you angst lovers out there, enjoy

When it came down to it, Levi could honestly name only one person that he could never accuse of hurting him in any way; one person who never expected anything of him. There was only one person in his life that he could honestly not live without; one person whose death would be his downfall. That very same person annoyed him, no end; they were unhygienic, loud, overly optimistic, and taller than him. That very same person put their life in danger, continuously. That very same person was often careless and too casual about their own survival. That very same person had been the person to hold him the first time he'd witnessed his friends' deaths; held him as he sobbed and vomited, half of him wishing that he'd died as well, the other half guiltily glad that he had survived.

That very same person went by the name of Hanji. And Levi loved that person with all of his heart.

~*~

Levi heaved, cringing at the splashing sounds in the bucket beneath his face. He cracked his red, watery eyes open, and was greeted with the sight of only bile; the vomit had stopped hours ago, when he'd still had food in his system.

He sniffled, gagging at the overwhelming stench of vomit. The smell set him off, again. Fresh tears rolled down his face, as pained sobs shook his body.

He'd killed - of course he had; although only ever in self defense. But those people had never been close to him; had never fought by his side; had never apologised in their last moments for letting him down. He'd spent a week watching his teammates die - people that he was beginning to consider as friends. Fourteen of them set out on a mission, and only four of them returned; Erwin, Mike, Hanji and, of course, Levi. Upon returning, Levi made it to the dormitories just in time to empty his stomach into a bucket.

Thankfully, nobody had come looking for him, yet. However, he knew that it was only a matter of time, and that he was due for a medical check up with Hanji, just to make sure that he hadn't been injured on the mission.

He could hear the rest of the Survey Corps celebrating the return, only a short way away from the dormitories. Whilst they were all used to the feeling of loss, however, Levi certainly wasn't too familiar with it; he'd never held anything close enough to lose.

A soft knock at the door startled Levi, halting his hiccups and sobs. He remained curled over the bucket, as he heard the door creak open.

"Levi?" Hanji's voice rang out, uncharacteristically softly, as xe shut the door.

Levi sniffled, startling when Hanji's hand rested at the top his spine, as xe crouched behind him.

"Okay?" xe asked, quietly.

Levi shook his head, spitting more bile into the bucket, his throat raw when a rush of gratefulness that Hanji was still alive ran through him. Hanji hushed him, and rubbed his back, in gentle but firm circles.

They sat in silence, for a long time, as Levi trembled, occassionally choking out a quiet sob. Eventually, he fell silent, his trembling not as strong as before - although, he still shook in hunger, dehydration, and sleep deprivation.

Hanji turned him to face xir. Xe wiped Levi's damp mouth with xir sleeve, ignoring the vulgar fluid that coated xir previously clean cuff.

"Feel better?"

Levi nodded, trying to breath through his snotty nose, so that Hanji didn't have to suffer the stench of his breath.

"It's always tough. Your first mission, I mean. And, after that, it only gets a tiny bit easier. Those deaths hurt me, just as much as they hurt you - probably more, even, since I was closer with them all. But I've learned to control my reactions. If you tell yourself that you're not broken up, you start to believe it."

Levi listened to Hanji talk, watching the animation in xir face; how alive xe looked. He reached out, and stroked the soft skin beneath the rim of Hanji's glasses. He received a soft smile, in response.

"It never gets easier to cope with. It just gets easier to hide. You never grow numb to it."

Levi nodded, his stomach rumbling, painfully empty.

"Let's go and get you sorted out." Hanji said, helping Levi to stand on shaky legs.

~*~

The first time that Hanji scolded him, Levi felt sick. He'd grown cocky with his abilities, and decided that he knew better than Erwin - an admittedly ridiculous decision, he soon realiised.

Erwin had commanded him to stay back, claiming that Hanji knew what to do. Levi had ignored him, and flown in to help. The titans were killed quicker than they would have been without Levi's help, but he had found himself hanging from a titan's grip by his gear. He'd survived by mere seconds, after speedily cutting away his gear; falling the six metres to the ground, resulting in several dark, painful bruises.

Erwin had shouted at him as they had all returned to base, Levi perched uncomfortably upon the back of his own horse. Erwin's angry words had shamed him, and he'd found himself apologising with the desperation to rid himself of the guilt.

It was once they'd returned to base, and Hanji was checking him over, that the squad leader snapped.

"I didn't have you pegged as an idiot." Hanji muttered, massaging Levi's aching muscles; the bruises layering his skin making the massage painful.

"I'm not an idiot." Levi scowled, "Look, I was appropriately scolded by the commander. I understand that I was bad. I apologised. Now, let's get ov-"

"No, Levi!" Hanji snapped, taking a few steps away from him, as though trying to stop xirself from hurting him, "You don't understand! You can't do things like that! Erwin is your commander, and even if you believe him to be wrong, you will do as he says! If he commands you to walk straight to your death, you do so without question! You do not take stupid risks like that, trying to prove that you're better than everyone!"

"I was trying to help!"

"We didn't need your help! I am more than capable, thank you very much! Levi, I-"

Levi frowned at the way that Hanji's speech cut off. The squad leader let out a choked sound, fairly similar to a sob.

"Hanji?" Levi's voice was quiet, bile rising in his throat at the sight of Hanji's trembling lip; the way that xe was holding back tears.

"I thought you were dead, Levi." Hanji admitted, quietly, "I thought it had killed you."

"I'm sorry." Levi breathed, feeling truly ready to vomit with guilt flooding him.

"Don't do it, again. Don't die on me. It's a horrible request to make, but you can't die, Levi. I can't take that."

~*~

"So, he's taken your fancy?" Hanji grinned, "Little boys are your thing, hm?"

"Firstly, none of them are 'little'. They're practically adults with the things that they're forced to do on a daily basis. Secondly, Eren Jäger has not 'taken my fancy'." Levi's voice went high and mocking as he quoted Hanji.

The two were in Levi's office; Levi sat at his desk, and Hanji sprawled upon it. It was a common position for them. Levi pretended to be bothered by Hanji's presence, but he secretly adored having xir around, babbling nonsense.

"He quite likes you. He wouldn't turn you down." Hanji stated.

"It's hero worship. I don't fuck my fans."

"You don't fuck anything."

"Filth, Hanji. Hygeine. I've seen some horrible things in showers in the past; sex is dangerous."

"Only if you're dirty or promiscuous. Which Eren is not. And neither are you."

Levi rolled his eyes, and took back the thought about adoring Hanji's company. It was evident that xe wasn't going to drop the topic. Levi had taken a liking to Eren, but that was simply because he appreciated the boy's motivation; his desire to fight for humanity's survival to the best of his ability. And if Levi often found his gaze fixed upon the boy's eyes, unable to look away from the mesmerising teal and the determined glow... Well, nobody could blame him. So perhaps Hanji wasn't so wrong, after all. But he would never admit that.

~*~

The first time that he and Eren acted upon their mutual attraction, Hanji instantly knew. Xir questions had hit him before he had even closed the door to his office.

"How did you get in here?" he asked, avoiding answering xir.

"I asked first!" Hanji grinned.

He had managed to resist for all of ten minutes, before surrendering and telling xir every detail. Hanji had listened, xir attention unwavering. When he'd finished, Hanji had laughed at the uncharacteristic blush staining his cheeks.

"Oh, you've got it bad." xe beamed, delightedly.

Levi had sworn at xir, and eventually forced xir from his office. A quick peck to the forehead from Hanji had him sighing a grumpy goodbye, as he inwardly smiled.

~*~

Losses were a given in the military. When one faced titans on a daily basis, deaths were bound to occur. Friends and family died in the most gruesome ways. The superior officers of the Survey Corps were more prepared than most to face deaths. However, when the most important person in one's life died... it was a rocky recovery. Especially when that very person had promised to live forever.

It was these thoughts that filled Hanji's head as xe stood and watched Levi's corpse burn. Xir face was drenched with tears. With a loud sniff, xir muscles finally gave in to exhaustion, and xe collapsed to the ground, sobs making xir body jerk.

Erwin's hand upon xir shoulder brought little comfort, but xe was grateful for the gesture; he was suffering as well.

Eventually, everybody left - Erwin included, after much convincing that Hanji would be okay alone. Hanji found xirself still curled up on the dusty ground, even as the flame steadily died down. Xe spared a thought for Eren, who must be broken up about the loss of his love. However, Hanji felt no guilt or selfishness as xe buried xir face in xir hands, and whispered desperate pleas to any god that was listening to bring xir best friend back.

Of course, Hanji's pleas fell on deaf ears.


End file.
